Monday, December 23, 2013

Too Late for Goodbyes

I found this recently. It's an interesting break-up song by the son of Beatles guitarist and songwriter John Lennon (the guy looks and slightly sounds like him too).

You wouldn't guess how I came upon it. I was watching a MuchMusic thing I found on YouTube of Kim Mitchell playing 'Go For a Soda' live in 1992. In the second verse, he said, "now let's do the Julian Lennon version." Immediately, he changed his guitar-playing to staccato. And right away, I wanted to hear the actual song.

The lyrics and the title make me think of two separate but similar things. The lyrics make me think about how I felt after that long-distance relationship I had started for the first time in October 2010 suddenly stopped and I'd written very angry things both in e-mail and on here. Very awfully. It was similar again in January 2011 when she said I had to move on (for the first time). Ironically, I'm writing this here today, on her twentieth birthday. But the title and main chorus make me think of something different altogether, and it's of my finishing this past semester.

I went through a groundbreaking thing during that time, wherein I was almost always hanging out with a friend who was actually female. That ended after some mistakes on my part and the other party interpreting every subsequent move or action I made personally. You can't go through life believing your point of view is all that matters and is the only one that's right, regardless of how independent or successful you are or have made for yourself, regardless of your past, or how good or bad it is. No one is infallible. Otherwise everyone will let you down - unless they are slaves to ensuring they agree with you. I stood up in front of the classroom before I left after finishing the test - the last class of the semester - and said a line from that Simple Minds song that's always made me smile: "I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby." Several people grinned at me, understanding the reference and knowing I wasn't going to be around in the future. She, on the other hand, glared at her screen, looking almost determinedly resentful. Because she sat there, I moved to the other side of the room.

No, my keyboard wasn't working properly and to get into the test online, I need to type a password to make the wireless Internet work on my computer. A classmate on the other side of the room offered a jack and a spare cable. Nothing to do with your presence.

As I walked away down the hall afterwards, I put my fist into the air like Bender does at the end of The Breakfast Club. Then I buckled in laughter. I was generally happy. But the title does work - it's much too late for goodbyes. I'm not interested anymore, not for the personalities I've been given or the emotional drama, and not for those who think they are above others or better than people when in fact they are hypocritical and self-absorbed. Attack me all you want, if you're reading this. I won't respond. I don't care. I'm too busy listening to Julian Lennon and admitting my mistakes and working to improve.

You can't force anyone to do anything in this world, whether it's have a mindset or physically do something. As soon as people realize that, the world will be a better place.

By the way, the song is a synesthetic grey to me generally, and makes me think of those who are kind of bland and have no problem with that.

Happy Holidays.

Justin C.

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