Saturday, January 1, 2011

Year in Review

11:57pm. As I write this now.

At first, I was worried I would spend the last few minutes and seconds counting down the new year on a bus. I was at a friend's apartment all day, see. And coming back from Overbrook takes a long time. I left somewhere at almost eleven and took an hour to get home. Six minutes of 2010 were left. I spent a long time on a bus, then sped home from Fallowfield in a cab.
No countdown with the bus driver and a few passengers, that's for sure. Phewf.

Anyway, this is my year in review.

Generally, it was negative, turbulent, and either awful or sad/depressing. But there were a few good times. I have this superstition that, because I was born in an odd-numbered year, even years won't necessarily be as exciting or fun as odd years. This past even-numbered year really conformed to that.

January started off with a small bit of shock - I'd found a search on this website's lijit thing for the name of the girl that pops into my head when I listen to 'In the City.' Then a later search for another friend of mine. I got to thinking that either of them had found and started reading this blog.
I resumed classes at college, filming a day-long time-lapse video of my first day back:

Ironically, in the video I visit the same apartment in Overbrook there as I did today. You can see what I mean by a long commute in that time-lapse video. The exact time I stopped the camcorder at was 11:03 (of course).
I also joined Facebook, finally, on the 26th of that month.

In February, implementing an idea I had since October, I suggested to my friend Fred that I could visit him during the lunch hour at Merivale - and/or after he got off. He was happy with the idea, and I visited him for the first time, intending to be at lunch but ending up after school, on February 10th. These visits would continue once or perhaps twice each week. Why did I do it? Because I had no one else to see, it gave me something to do outside college, and I was still happy and eager to revisit the school I'd graduated - it felt like I never left. I felt very much at home there, even if I was supposed to have moved on.

March was not a bad month either. I continued to visit my then-friend, and things were going alright. I still continued at college. Not much happened in March to say the least. Oh, Fred and I went downtown on the 27th...that was quite fun and I know he enjoyed it.

April was when my year began to get dull and sad and depressing. I either did something wrong or they had a problem of sorts, but I apparently lost a friend that month. I was overcome with grief because I had feelings for them, and they disappeared without a real reason that I still can't figure out properly unless I was at fault. Still, I fought through it and finished up my final weeks of college. I attended, as the only guest, my then-friend's birthday and took him out for ice cream in Hog's Back.
On the 23rd something very happy happened and I fell into conversation with a nice girl I'd kind of had a small crush on in high school, on the bus. I'd never had a girl approach me before and introduce themselves. It was a new experience and I was extremely delighted and pleased by it. The one highpoint of that month.

May was a horrible time for me. I had a great day on the fifth as I visited my then-friend Fred for the final, happy time, after he got off from school. Everything was great, and I even talked to the 'In the City' girl that day. Can't I ever name her? Oh, it's easy to know who she is. I just rather not mention it here because it's obviously clear I had feelings for that darn person. I was to have a job interview as well. Things were good...until the tenth, when I had a police officer visit me, in the presence of my grandparents (and later, my mother) to warn me to stay away from my then-friend due to "violent, threatening behavior" I was said to have continuously exhibited towards him (and my former school at large).
None of that was ever true, notably in that I attended his birthday not several weeks prior and visited him five days earlier, and was a happy, pleasant guest/friend, but of course the school and the police officer didn't have interest or willpower to properly investigate; it's just easier labeling the unfortunate sap (me) a threat.

I spent the rest of May in my basement watching Lost episodes. Depressed, lonely, and isolated.

June was marginally brighter; I saw the girl I'd talked with on the bus working at McDonald's when I went there by chance. That was a stimulating (and in result pasty) meal. Otherwise it was overwhelmingly full of ennui and lack of energy; I was just lethargic that month. No close friends, no job, no one to hang out with or enjoy the summer breeze and air with, just myself at home.

July was probably the best month of the whole year, as a whole. It was amazing to visit my uncle's cottage again and swim in that lake; it is probably the only lake I could swim in perfectly without hesitation. And exceedingly warm. That was a great time.

August was almost as great; camping at Poulter Lake in Quebec was a new experience, and very fun, and I hadn't swam that far before (I'd swam from an outcropping of rocks in the lake to the shore which took twenty minutes). It's all on film but there's no photos unfortunately.
It was the month in which I got properly drunk for the first time, having gone to my first gig, and it was also the month in which I had lunch with a couple of nice, warm, welcoming girls (at McDonald's, no less). The one I'd talked to on the bus and the 'In the City' individual.  That was a memorable day.

September was not bad, and probably at its greatest when I started my first proper relationship. I ended that month on an extreme high, and also began the job quest program at that Causeway place.

October started off great and ended pretty rotten. My brilliant girlfriend disappeared without a reason, and I over-reacted. I considered myself single again, and quite depressed and empty.

November was pretty much the same.

December started to look a bit up when I started the solutions for youth program, because that structured my days again, and let me focus less on my lost girl. I was with other people too. Christmas was alright - not great, again, due to my depression, but alright. December 30th was probably the best day (or night). We come to here, today. Today was okay.

In the end, my year basically sucked.

There are only two amazing dates I had in this year - August 12th (the day I went out with those girls) and September 23rd (the day that girl and I properly opened up to each other and basically opened the door for a relationship). The awful dates - April 10th, May 10th, October 20th - were probably the worst days of the year. My friend (and later girlfriend) disappeared on two of those dates, and the May one was the day I was forbidden near the place I attended happily for four years.

This is where I get my hope - I had a bad year. They say in astrology or some other place that this year was supposed to be a turbulent one for me. Great. It's over with. On with 2011 - an odd year - where things can get better and nicer.

For this coming year, I want to accomplish a few things. For one, I want to travel somewhere on my own. I am not sure yet - originally it was Calgary - but it might be somewhere different. In this country? Very likely. I also want to get a proper job, and have direction - know what I want to do in my life, where to go - by the end of this year.
Most of all, I want it to be a happy, positive, easy, fun year full of love and support and happy times I won't forget.
No bans. No disappearing friends/girlfriends. No lost chances. Not this year.

Oh, and I guess I resolve to be more open. Yeah.

Happy new year, and may a hopeful, wonderful 2011 come upon us.

Justin C.

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